What If Donald Trump’s Cabinet Picks Really Were Looney Tunes?

It should come as no surprise that many Washington observers have described Donald Trump 2.0’s stunning Cabinet picks as “looney tunes.” As most TV viewers know, the term comes from Looney Tunes™, the famous list of Warner Brothers cartoons produced in the 1930s. It is an entertaining program loved by children and adults alike, and continues to be broadcast on television and streaming services around the world. It’s also clear that many of Trump’s new Cabinet nominees arose from one of his favorite activities: hours of daily television watching and, quite frankly, listening to the insidious world of Fox News.

Trump’s picks for defense secretary, transportation secretary, and US ambassador to Israel — Pete Hegseth, Sean Duffy, and Mick Huckabee — are all current or former Fox News hosts. Nearly every one of his picks, including Attorney General (Pam Bondi), Secretary of State (Marco Rubio), Director of National Intelligence (Tulsi Gabbard), and Director of the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services (Dr. Oz), has made an appearance on the Internet. Fox News repeatedly, in some cases, hundreds of times to suck up to President Redux. I’m pretty sure Trump’s TV watching and obsession with ratings also influenced his selection of former World Wrestling Entertainment CEO Linda McMahon for his planned knockout of the Department of Education.

what if Donald Trump Have you just changed the channel? What if he had spent more time watching the actual Looney Tunes series than watching the fake news created by Rupert Murdoch?

As with his current cabinet picks, I’m sure he would have delved into the Looney Tunes roster and made some lesser-known picks. Here’s just a taste of what could have been.

Prosecutor: Foghorn Leghorn from Looney Toon

Step aside, Pam Bondi, make room for Foghorn Leghorn! The essential skill of a great lawyer is the gift of gab, the ability to make speeches, in the extreme, to win an argument and influence a jury. Looney Tunes’ talkative rooster, Foghorn Leghorn, has this in spades. He also has a down-home Southern accent that must play much less of a Mason-Dixon line, a trait that seems common to many lawyers and judges in Hollywood movies (see: Fred “Herman Munster” Gwynn as Judge Chamberlain Haller and Austin Pendleton as Joe Pesci. Opponent John Gibbons My cousin Vinny.)

Defense Minister: Yosemite Sam from Looney Toon

He may not have always shot straight or hit the nail on the leg, but no one was quicker to shoot when conflict was looming in Looney Land than Yosemite Sam. SAM has everything the United States needs to keep our enemies at bay. He is a mean-spirited and overly aggressive man with an alarming temperament and a tendency to shoot first and ask questions later. He is also red-haired – a physical trait believed to be a sign of witchcraft in the Middle Ages; Something that is still greeted with fear in remote areas of the world where our enemies lurk.

Chief of Staff: Bugs Bunny Looney Toon

Of course, you want the wisest and smartest person, and there was no better Looney Tunes star than his iconic character, Bugs Bunny. This star of 160 cartoons and other films is the ultimate hustler, an animation genius who always comes out on top. Donald Trump’s health might improve if he followed Bugs’ example and replaced his hourly Diet Coke with a large organic carrot.

US Secretary of Transportation: Road Runner Looney Toon

America craves speed, and no one was better at navigating the roads of a chromatic world than the Road Runner. If he (she?) fails to receive approval after screening, he may be recommended for the fleet’s similar nomination, Speedy Gonzalez. But with his south-of-the-border heritage (you know, “all Mexicans are rapists and murderers”), Donald Trump is unlikely to give him the nod.

Secretary of Education: Lonnie Toon Intellectual Jr.

I suspect this is where Donald Trump will dig deep into the bench and pick the little-known Egghead Jr. This big-headed, bespectacled little boy first appeared in the 1954 film “Little Boy Boo” and only starred in two additional short films until 1960. He was the enemy who always bested District Attorney candidate Foghorn Leghorn; So there is reason to believe that this appointment may not succeed.

United States Representative to the United Nations: Daffy Duck from Looney Tunes

With his choice of Rep. Elise Stefanik of Long Island, Donald Trump appears to have strange taste. So why don’t we go ahead and nominate the real Daffy Duck article? With a starring role in 130 cartoons, Daffy was the third most popular character on Looney Tunes, a double-talking doubleheader with the wherewithal to keep the ambassadors of the 193 United Nations member states off balance.

Secretary of Health and Human Services: Looney Toon Pig

With his daily diet of McDonald’s, seared steak, and dozens of Diet Coke, the next president isn’t really serious about his health and probably not ours. He’s destructive, and the most annoying choice for the position in the Looney Tunes universe is Porky Pig. Pig on HHS would make RFK Jr. Sounds like a deep state choice.

CIA Director: Wile E. Coyote from Looney Tunes

Donald Trump and America will need a shady character in this role, and there is no villain more sinister in cartoons than Wile E. Coyote. Whether he wants to take down his usual enemy, Road Runner, or his occasional nemesis, Bugs Bunny, Wile E. Coyote is determined to get the job done. Another plus to this cabinet selection? His close relationship and frequent creative collaborations with that well-known purveyor of bad faith Rube Goldberg-like gadgets, Acme Corporation.

Lest we forget, there are two primary similarities between Donald Trump and Looney Tunes: the occasional use of racist tropes and calls for violence.

Previously there is a so-called Eleven censorship Looney Tunes episodes that have been withheld from syndication since 1968 due to stereotypes of African Americans, Japanese, Mexicans, and others.

As for violence, one can see Trump agreeing to deploy an anvil from high places, Bugs, Daffy, and Road Runner-style, in his planned revenge against his enemies. If I were Special Prosecutor Jack Smith or Adam Schiff, I would keep my eyes open for the next four years.